1. the bass drum corps from the high school - located more than a couple miles from your house - rattles your windows every morning during marching band practice - and then breaks crystal and knocks picture frames off the wall every other Friday night at home games;
2. you find out where your neighbors moved from or went to college as flags are attached to car windows or hung from front porches (or both) every Saturday morning - of note: you will know when their favorite team has lost a big game when the flag comes down immediately after the game;
3. no more curling tournaments; no more bocci specials; no more cricket highlights from the New Zealand versus Barbados match are shown on ESPN 2 through 25;
4. coaches at every level of football stand before a row of microphones and talk about how tough their opening game against a team that hasn't won a game in three years is going to be...with a straight face;
5. grown men who shouldn't take off their shirts in public take of their shirts in public with a big block letter painted on their chest;
6. television ratings for major league baseball plummet - and no one outside New York City and Boston and whoever lives in one of the cities that has a shot of playing them cares;
7. even the most long suffering of fans - i.e. Cincinnati Bengals fans (the team I grew up watching) - believe this year is going to finally be different for their team (until after the first game is a blowout loss);
8. the skinny kid who majors (or plans to major) in atomic and molecular astrophysics puts on a Tiger outfit and becomes a rock star to the home fans;
9. fantasy draft parties are held in corporate meeting rooms after work hours with a group of eleven people who bring enough pages of notes to fill War and Peace - and a twelfth person who plans to draft the kicker from his alma mater in the first round;
10. fans who have never played a down of football get into heated - and well reasoned - arguments over the merits of cover two versus bump and run; three-four versus four-three; i-formation versus the spread; punting or going for it; 60's Packers versus 80's 49ers versus the 21st Century Patriots; and the current head coach versus the coach who got fired from someone else's team last year.
Are you ready for some football?
